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Negotiating, Part 1, let’s go!

"Anger can be an effective negotiating tool, but only as a calculated act, never as a reaction.” – Mark McCormack.

Life is a negotiation:

Even in our interactions with colleagues at work or family at home, we usually try to make deals or negotiate something, and all negotiations come from our primal, natural urge: "I want."

Examples: “I want you to accept that…”; “I want to pay this for…”; “I want you to give me…”; “I want you to go…”

Negotiation helps us do 2 essential things: get information and influence others. From work to love life and everything in between, a lot can depend on your negotiating capacity.

And let’s stay away from the word manipulation. This word comes from harmful influence, which is not what we discuss here.

As Chris Voss, author of “Never Split the Difference,” explains in detail: Negotiation is nothing more than communication with results. 

So, getting what you want, yes, as a bonus, but without harming others.

-> Even if you don’t think of yourself as a negotiator, you can be. 

Practice makes perfect!

Posture and Mindset:

First, no matter how smart, well-informed, or prepared you are for a situation, always be ready for a surprise.

Second, humans constantly show others if we're ready to have fun, argue, laugh, or yell. We don't even realize we're doing it, so tonality means a lot!

Usually, you should talk happily and playfully, like a friendly and positive person. Having a cheerful and optimistic attitude opens doors.

And even if you are on the phone, smiling has a very positive impact, and the other person will catch on.

The 3 Voices:

1.Calm and Trustworthy: To highlight something with power and reliability without triggering – deep, calm, and slow voice.

2.Friendly and Playful: Default voice – Speak nicely and with a smile to create a friendly atmosphere.

3.Militant and Aggressive: To avoid! – This will lead to issues and resistance.

No matter which tone you're using, always slow your speech. If you appear rushed, the other person won't feel heard, which takes trust away.

Saving the best for last: Mirroring or replication. It's another thing we do without even realizing it when we connect with others. Use it purposefully, the FBI does...

Sometimes, simply repeating the last 3 words you heard is enough. You do this when you want the other person to explain more about what they just said and to strengthen your connection.

You can repeat this until you achieve your goal, but remember to use silence between questions.

-> If you feel that these postures are fabricated, you are right. 

But negotiation is a game we all play. Are you okay with losing?

The Role of Emotions:

Healthy human connections need empathy.

When you identify emotion in a negotiation, don’t ignore it, address it. You have an opportunity to sway them in your favor. And for this, you’ll need to talk less and listen more.

If you can sympathize with the other person and understand their pains, label themand speak them out loud as a friendly question.

Examples: “It seems like…?”; “It sounds like…?”; “It looks like…?”; 

This is an effective way to remove obstacles in negotiations. After this, can you guess? Silence until you get a reply. And “I” sentences are forbidden! It will end badly for you.

Example: “I feel like…”.

“Emotions aren’t the obstacle, they are the means.” – Chris Voss.

-> Don’t be afraid to voice potential problems. 

It can feel uncomfortable at the beginning, but you will get there.

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Last thoughts:

“Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss is, personally, the best book on negotiations, especially tough ones. It is a short and fun read—yes, fun!

Highly recommend it, you will not regret it! It includes a lot of techniques for conflict avoidance and conflict resolution.  – Plus, the book is small.

Next time, will master the “no” to avoid all of the “yes, but…”.

“Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.” – Malcolm Gladwell.

-> Open your eyes and ears to spot situations where you can interact with others. 

And practice, practice, practice.

See you in a week.

Your Zine.