Yes or No?Neither.

---

Are you afraid of the word no?

"No" is never the answer you desire.

But "Yes" does not cut it either.

Negotiating, Part 2, let’s go!

"One of the best ways to persuade others is by listening to them." – Dean Rusk.

Yes? Be careful.

"No" is always a negative word for sure, but never worthless. 

It means rejection, and naturally, all humans fear rejection because it does not feel good or positive.

But if you phrase something so that the only possible answer is "Yes," that positive reply becomes meaningless.

How often have you said "Yes" just to shut someone up or rush a conversation you are not interested in? 

Examples: "Do you eat? Well, yes…"; "Do you sleep? Yes, of course…"; "Do you drink water? Lol, yes…".

As you can see, "Yes" is not what you want, and there are 3 types of "Yes": counterfeit, confirmation, and commitment.

Counterfeit "Yes": Use to rush a conversation about something that you will say no to later.

Confirmation "Yes": Use generally to reply or agree innocently.

Commitment "Yes": Use to take action. When emotion and logic give you the green light to move forward – This is the one you want.

So, don't fear the word "No." Practice hearing it without an emotional response. In most cases, it is not even personal and has nothing to do with you.

You are just a messenger, and the word "No" gives you an intersection where you can choose the next turn.

-> Do you realize how much you have heard the word "No" in your life?

You are not dead, correct? Don't sweat it. Use it.

No? That's a start.

"No" always feels like rejection, but often, that is not the case. It can mean many things, such as not being ready to say yes, not understanding, or needing more information.

You just have to find out the true meaning of the "No" to keep the negotiation going. And that's why you want to get a "No" as soon as possible. 

Chris Voss's advice to get the true meaning of the no's is solution-based questions.

Examples: "What about this not working for you?" "What do you need to make it work?" "It seems like there's something here that bothers you."

Also, when you give the person a chance to say "No," you give them a sense of control over the conversation. They feel protected and become active listeners.

Here is a great tip for my fellow copywriters: When your emails are ignored, provoke a "No." Example: "Have you given up on…"

-> "No," it is not a failure. It's a process! 

Just think as a detective: Why this "No"?

That's Right = Gold

"That's right" is the "Yes "you want. It's like an epiphany that starts behavioral changes, not just that "Yes, doctor, I will right from now on," but you don't.

Remember what we've discussed so far about silence, imitation, and labeling. These are always part of the negotiation process.

To get the "That's right," you add paraphrasing, which means repeating what they say but in your own words. This shows you do care and are at least trying to understand them.

Using paraphrasing and labeling, you create a good conversation summary, which gives you the "That's right."

An important distinction: "You're right" is not a "that's right."

"You're right" does not create the epiphany needed for change.

It is just another counterfeit yes.

-> The summary is the action that emphasizes the how, so practice it.

"Yes" without "How" means nothing.

Never split the difference!

Creative solutions generally involve danger, frustration, chaos, and irritation. Therefore, don't settle! 

Compromising isn't the right choice! It's just the easier and safer one. Concession and settlement rarely lead to great solutions.

The best example: your partner wants you to wear black socks but you prefer the brown ones. Do you compromise in the middle and wear both black and brown socks? NO!

Don't strive for a middle-way solution. Strive for your goals!

Also, fairness is just a perspective, but it has much power. When you say that "you just want what's fair," you are implying that the other person is not being fair, which triggers them.

It's the same but worse when you say, "This is a fair offer."

To use fairness positively, you must address it. Example: "Please let me know if you feel something is unfair at any point."

-> Embrace the hard stuff.

That is where the great deals are.

---

Last thoughts:

Clearly, yes and no don't mean just yes and no.

You need to be able to identify when a "Yes" means don't bother me, and when a "No" means I need to know more.

And there's no way around it: practice. With all the people and conversations present, you will start to notice these differences more and more.

We didn't say everything we meant to, but we definitely hinted at it. You need to be able to spot it and address it.

"Information is a negotiator's greatest weapon." – Victor Kiam.

-> I'm repeating myself, I know, but practice as much as you can.

A good negotiator needs confidence to explore solutions.

See you in a week.

Your Zine.